NaBloPoMo 2014: Day 24 "Anticipation"

*it's May 16th now, and I'm for some reason determined to post these last few drafts from 2014's NaBloPoMo. This particular post had no content, however; only a title.

ANTICIPATION.

What was I thinking? What was I planning to write about? Six months later, and I can't remember a thing.

At the time, I was probably anxiously awaiting the arrival of my costumes, the end of Cabaret, the end of 2014, the upcoming vacation trip to the USA... But the tang of those desires has faded so much that I think I'll completely hijack this draft, to blab about my CURRENT state of anticipation. :)

SO. here's the short list of my current Anticipated Things:

- May 23-25th mini-vacation to Busan for Adam's birthday!

This is what I think of when I think of Busan.... #winning

- May 30th day-trip to go rail-biking (not as extreme a sport as it sounds) and whitewater rafting! (Also for Adam's birthday.)

- Summer vacation in the USA for Meagan's wedding!

- Performing Shakespeare in the autumn!

- 2016 world tour! *this is without a doubt  the most highly anticipated item on this list. I think about this every other day, dreaming & scheming, and mentally tallying price tags. I CAN'T WAIT.*

- 30th birthday. :O I'm leaving my twenties this year, good golly miss Molly! Mixed feelings on this one. Wish I was back in the States to celebrate with all my fam & friends there... BUT also looking forward to fun times here with my hubby. ^^

So true, ha!

Some days I actually get those happy fluttery butterflies in my stomach, from a general sense of good things coming up in the future.

Happy to be alive, happy to be anticipating.

Carpe diem!

NaBloPoMo 2014: Day 30 "Not really the end"

It's now officially the end of November, in most parts of the world, and thus technically the end of NaBloPoMo. I have SEVEN partially finished blog drafts in my account, however, and I plan on finishing them up as I have time, and posting them retroactively.

I hate that I didn't "complete" the challenges I set out, but I'm not being too hard on myself, because GOOD GRIEF I had a lot to do this month! :D

Thanks to those of you who've been following and reading and encouraging me as I write. I can't remember now how I ever imagined that I would have time for this project this month.... "What was I thinking??"

Squats: I am going to jump back on the squats wagon for December!
Splits: I'm letting go of this goal for now. ㅠㅠ
Books: I'm so close to done with Dubliners! I'm on the last (longest) story, "The Dead" with only 30 pages to go. It's been a mixed bag for me: some of them really touched nerves, and some of them felt empty. I really do think it would make a glorious difference to have it read/heard in an Irish accent.
Water: Drinking more water is a lifestyle change I want to hang on to, so I'm going to keep at it, til death do us part. :)

CARPE DIEM, FRIENDS.

p.s. stay posted! my post-NaBloPoMo posts will be posted poste-haste! ;)

NaBloPoMo 2014: Day 19 "Behind"

Oh lord. I'm so behind in this blog. And it hurts my heart a little, because I love this challenge.
But FYI, I'm still here and haven't given up. Just swimming as fast and hard as I can.

In the meantime, here's a link roundup:

- Mickey Mouse and friends reimagined as humans.

- A timely and hilarious song for those of us in the 29-31 year-old range. *language alert!

- Foxy faceplants for LOLs.

- A Frozen + Breaking Bad mashup *spoiler alert!

- A really charming short story that I love. <3 p="">
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And here are some insults with class, for those of you having a particularly hard day:

     "He has all the virtues I dislike and none of the vices I admire."  Winston Churchhill

     "I have never killed a man, but I have read many obituaries with great pleasure."  Clarence Darrow

     "I've had a perfectly wonderful evening, but this wasn't it."  Groucho Marx

     "He has never been known to use a word that might send a reader to the dictonary."
     William Faulkner (about Ernest Hemingway)

     "I didn't attend the funeral, but I sent a nice letter saying I approved of it."  Mark Twain

     "He has no enemies, but is intensely disliked by his friends."  Oscar Wilde

     "I feel so miserable without you, It's almost like having you here."  Stephen Bishop

     "He is a self made man and worships his creator."  John Bright

     "I've just learned about his illness. Let's hope it's nothing trivial."  Irvin S. Cobb

     "He is not only dull himself, he is the cause of dullness in others."  Samuel Johnson

     "He is simply a shiver looking for a spine to run up."  Paul Keating

     "He had delusions of adequacy."  Walter Kerr

     "Why do you sit there looking like an envelope without any address on it?"  Mark Twain

     "His mother should have thrown him away and kept the stork."  Mae West

     "Some cause happiness wherever they go; others, whenever they go."  Oscar Wilde


Carpe diem, friends.

SQUATS: Guh, no....
SPLITS: Nope
BOOKS: A couple pages!!
WATER: Eh, did ok.

NaBloPoMo 2014: Day 18 "Motivations, Part 2"

So: while perfectionism is an old, familiar nemesis,  I've had a new adversary rear its thorny head this year.

Spotlight.
Recognition.
Admiration.
Gratitude.

I want them.

At my core, I'm doing the GPP because I love it. I love theatre and I love creating art, and I have been overwhelmingly proud of all the things we've accomplished this year, of all the things I've accomplished this year. Plus, it's an excellent chance to hone my admittedly wimpy leadership skills - and those particular social muscles are definitely getting an intense workout.

But.

Then come these sharp pangs. After the work is over...but there was no fanfare. After I've given it my all, and worked my butt off, and (usually) done more than everyone else to pull things together or make sure things go as planned. I feel hungry for someone to acknowledge my work. And not just a "thanks Anna!" or "You guys did great!" -- no, at their strongest, these pangs are for Academy Award sized GLORY. With crowds of adoring fans on their feet, shouting my name and throwing flowers and chocolate and presents at me. Statues and plaques erected in my honor, for all future Gwangjuvians to admire...

LOL.

I don't get that. Which is obviously ok. But sometimes it feels like there aren't even that many people who know how much effort I've put into this or that event. And I want to blurt it out in conversations, and shake people by the shoulders to make them care about it, and impress them with HOW IMPRESSIVE I AM WITH MY IMPRESSIVE SELF.

I keep having to pull myself up short, and reaffirm my motivations. If I'm doing these volunteer jobs for the (nonexistent) fame and for people to make me feel good about myself, then I'm doing them for the wrong reasons.

Because if I'm not willing to do it for zero recognition, then I shouldn't be doing it, period.

Because in the end, I'm a volunteer! I don't have to be doing any of this. And while I enjoy a thorough back-pat as much as the next gal, I also enjoy working with my hands, and doing a bang-up, smashing job on whatever projects I take on. And for the most part, I've done just that: By the end of this year, I'll have produced 3 major productions, directed a farce, co-created 2 resource textbooks for native teachers in Korea, and I'll have established the GPP firmly enough in the community that it won't die out after I leave.

**PAT PAT**

I'm learning & growing heaps this year, and this is part of the process. I'm proud of myself, and that'll do for now. (That'll do, Pig, that'll do....)

Carpe diem, divas.

SQUATS: NO  :(
SPLITS: NONE  :(
BOOKS: I read half a page?
WATER: I'm still doing awesome with water. Feeling mostly somewhat healed, but wary of backsliding, since I have a PERFORMANCE on Saturday. Eeep!

NaBloPoMo 2014: Day 17 "Motivations, Part 1"

I find myself having to constantly check my motivations this year, particularly regarding my volunteer activities. There's a constant struggle to satisfy both my perfectionist tendencies and my desire for recognition.

PERFECTIONISM:
I've struggled for most of my life with accepting my imperfections and failures. As a child, I sincerely wanted to be perfect, or as perfect as possible. As an adult, it still flares up.

For instance: I was in charge of printing the posters for the GPP's upcoming play, and I neglected to send one of our sponsor's logos to the poster designer. He didn't notice, and I didn't notice, until I'd already gotten the dang things all glossy and printed up. In the middle of a GPP committee meeting, I proudly brought out the posters, only to have another member point out that actually, I'd forgotten one of our biggest sponsor's logos.

In the moment, all I could hear in my head was "SCREW UP. INCOMPETENT. How could you forget that? Why are you the president again?", etc.
What actually came out of my mouth was, "Dammit. My bad, folks. Hm. I'll print small logos and affix them to the posters before hanging up any more." This was a reasonable and good solution, and everyone moved on.

But I felt shame and humiliation and anger at myself for the rest of the evening over this (ultimately small) mistake. And in the end, what good were these emotions? They were wasted energy. The issue was already resolved. People weren't whispering about my mistake behind my back and pointing and laughing. (*Though, if they were, WHO NEEDS THEM, EH?? ^_^) Friends and family didn't suddenly love me less, or think worse of me. It was just my ego: My desire to always seem in control and on top of everything and, well, perfect.

Perhaps there's always a tiny bit of self-kicking necessary to remind us to do things differently next time, but after a point, it's more harmful than helpful. (Don't ask me where the line is, 'cuz I don't know)

I've actually become pretty darn good at forgiving myself, which means that these flare ups are typically few and far between. When my motivations are clear - to do my best, to have a good time, to enjoy the results of hard work - the mistakes and screw ups are put in perspective, as part of the whole process. They don't ruin it, they build it.

Here's to all our future screw ups!

SQUATS: Nope.
SPLITS: Sorry.
BOOKS: Got nothin.
WATER: SO MUCH WATER!

EDIT: written mostly on time, posted waaaaaay late

p.s. I can't stop laughing over this gif:

Thankvember?

Sorry if anyone was holding their breath for the laaaast Thankvember post! It's in the process, and will be late. Obviously. :)

The 30th was our day off and it was EPIC. We had a list of things we wanted to do in the French Quarter before leaving and we pretty much scratched all of them off. And had a blast in the process. Favorite restaurants, music, scootin' around, taking care of errand-business, movie, etc.

Tonight I was totally going to finish the post, but I was having a lot of fun playing Fireboy & Watergirl with my husband, and time got away from us.

Always worth it, time  spent with that man.

You know what else would be "worth it?":

Spending the money, time and effort to make THIS cake (below), just to eat it. I ate Tim-Tam cookies almost exclusively when I lived in New Zealand for a semester in 2005. I will always miss them...

Not only is it a cake that looks like a massive Tim-Tam, it actually HAS TIM-TAM COOKIES BAKED INSIDE!!!

Also, in case you were wondering: studies have shown conclusively that pie > cake. Read for yourself, here*. (*language alert)

Too Late.

I probably should abstain from typing up this post, even though it would mean veering (again) from my daily schedule posted on the fridge, which is glaring at my back at the moment.  The problem and reason I should just stop typing is, I'm sleepy and I haven't anything to say.

The combination of those two limp elements cannot possibly produce anything of particular importance or worth. And so, I ask myself: Is it really worth it to have "stuck to the schedule!" if I've only posted brain-dead mumblings? Not sure. But at this point it's too late.

Ah! A bright thought has just struggled up through the murk: I'll direct you to someone else who CAN amuse you! Here you go.

Funny: http://theoatmeal.com/comics
Very Funny : http://awkwardfamilyphotos.com/
Makes me giggle every time:



Nom nom nom!