We were weirdly stumped for a couple hours, trying to pull up more examples than the obvious (for me, Anne of Green Gables; for Adam, Hermione from Harry Potter).
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| In Italian, we even share a name! |
But then, once we really got in the groove, the names started FLYING: Lyra Belacqua, Lucy Pevensie, Clarice Starling, Princess Cimorene, Aria Stark, Hit-Girl, Ramona Quimbly, Lisbeth Salander, Jane Eyre, Mary Poppins, Maria Von Trapp, Amelie Poulain, Mrs. Frizzle, Chihiro Ogino, Mathilda Lando (played by 12-yr-old Natalie Portman), Hua Mulan, Tiana, Zoe Washburne, Princess Leia, Elizabeth Bennet, and so on. These women are strong, intelligent, brave, honest.
I've been thinking a lot recently about being strong. About being a strong person who is independent, self-sufficient and competent. Who can handle stress and responsibility maturely. Who finds pleasure in giving, but knows when to take and get reprieve.
I feel like this is something I've been getting better and better at. I've taken on several leadership roles with heavy responsibilities, and haven't dropped the ball. (yet) My feelings aren't hurt as easily. I'm able to work through conflicts without bawling just because someone is upset. I have dreams to open my own business, and I actually believe I can make it happen.
In a recent conversation with my mother (Hi mom!), however, I shared my fears that I am losing my compassionate side in the acquisition of strength. My feelings aren't hurt as easily, it's true, but I also seem to be hurting other people's feelings more than ever before - sometimes without even realizing it. I've lost patience for excuses, and I apparently have very little problem with telling someone off if I believe they've acted out of line.
It used to be, the mere idea that someone might be upset at me would set my stomach churning with anxiety. When I was an au pair in Switzerland, I spent the entire year becoming intimately familiar with that sensation, due to a couple of very unhappy and unkind hosts. In retrospect, my experience with Cedric and Marie was an important turning point. I had a choice: It was either 1) accept that there are people on earth who can't and won't be satisfied, and who may dislike you no matter how hard you try to make them love you or, 2) believe that I was an unworthy, deficient, and hypocritical human being, as they would have had me believe.
I chose the former. And my skin grew that much thicker, and my lovely but naive trust in others diminished just that much. I'm not sorry about changing - change is healthy, change is inevitable. But how thick should one's skin be? And isn't there value in sometimes giving others greater credit and trust than you might think they deserve? I don't want to lose my ability to sympathize, I don't want to feel like a detached and unlovable witch.
Adam is my constant reality check, and is always happy to elaborate on my good qualities, to remind me that I'm no true witch. (Thanks, Boo) But... I'd be lying if I said I hadn't felt that way multiple times this year. (Usually after writing a difficult email, or having a tense meeting, or telling someone off!)
In our previous conversation, my wise mother suggested that it's more of a balancing act - finding the line between strength and vulnerability.
I haven't found it yet, but I'm searching. And maybe that's enough for now.
Carpe diem, fellow humans.
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| Finding strength, freedom |
SQUATS: you know what's a bad idea? Forgetting all day about the 100 squats you have to do, and then doing them ALL in the 10 minutes before bed. ...DONE.
SPLITS: Done, 2:10 on each leg.
BOOKS: A brief reading interlude in the taxi on the way to breakfast, and during the tail end of breakfast.
WATER: HA! You thought I'd forgotten about drinking more water? ...Oh, well. You're right.
